Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
