If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
