Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She even gives head with a lisp.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
