I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
