Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
