I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
