you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
