I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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