just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
