I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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