I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
