he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
