your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
