Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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