Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
