im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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