please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
