I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
