just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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