omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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