Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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