he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
