I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
