I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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