Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
