youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He felt like a one man threesome
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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