i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
