no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have fence marks all over my body
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
