He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
