Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
