there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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