you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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