i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
