your thong is hanging out like whoa
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
