Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
