Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
