Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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