I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
