DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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