He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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