Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
