Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
