im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
found the other keg... it's in the tree
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
