btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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