Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
