I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
high people should be assigned attendants
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
