I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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