dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
