Your dad touched me again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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