She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
