I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
