Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
